Well, hello there! To tell you the truth, I completely forgot that I had a blog until one of my friends said, "I saw your post about Black Canyon Campground."
What? Black Canyon Campground? Oh, you mean back when my son was three? Yes, we camped there 7 years ago, but why would there be a post. Well, you know. . . I used to have a blog. Wait! Maybe I still do?!?
Lo and behold, I still do!!
I missed out on posting vacation pics from last summer, so here are a few of those. As you can see, my family has dramatically changed. We are all different!
Things have changed drastically in the last seven years. I have been working at www.aceclassicaled.org as a classroom teacher for five years and I closed down my daycare (I loved it while it lasted! <3). ACE school is currently enrolling new K-HS students, and you can find out more about this amazing Charter School/ home based learning center for amazing parents that want the homeschool option with accountability at the website above.
My husband works as a mail carrier in Oakridge now, and we still own the Midway Gardens and keep it running together. www.midwaygardens.com- Check it out!
The title of the blog needs to be updated, and so does the focus. You see, after all of this time that has passed, I've tried to live life happy. I've tried to read the Joyce Meyer books, go to the Joyce Meyer conference, teach the youth, sing in the choir, preach the message even. . . but all of those things kept falling flat. I would read something so wonderful, and then try to commit to doing it, but I would fail.
I'm going to not yell at my spouse. Ten minutes later, I'm yelling at my spouse. What is happening?
I've been through so much family drama, career drama, and health drama that I was bitter towards the Lord. Why doesn't God save my father? Why can't he turn his heart? Why did I have to miscarry my first child? Why did I end up in the hospital for 5 days last year in March? Why do I have fibromyalgia? Why do I hurt all over? Why do I suffer from depression? Why do I have problems?
Lord, I am yours! I have been yours since I was seven years old and confessed it with my mouth. Thank God for adults who are willing to dress up as Indian Chiefs and lead little hearts in the sinners prayer for their salvation. But. . . why isn't it working? I've been filled with the Holy Spirit, I've been given prophetic words to speak, I went to a Christian College, I grew up in the church. . . yet the last ten years have been the most difficult ones when it has come to letting go and letting God.
I guess I've always had trouble with that. Living in the law, striving, setting my heart and mind to do what is good and correct, only to fail. It's not like I'm a huge sinner, but I am a human being. I am frail and not strong, yet I was trying to be strong and accomplish great things.
I've come to the realization that only God can do the things that are necessary for my success. Only God can give me the right attitude, only God can help my heart and mind to produce the right thoughts and the right desires. We see all these pastors, teachers, and leaders leaning on the Lord, calling out to him, teaching us. . . yet we don't do what they do. We don't lean on the Lord, we don't call out to him, we don't ask for him to reveal to us and teach us.
To be honest, I have not read my bible on my own for learning and growing closer to God since before I was married 12 years ago. A life will not be successful without that! No matter how successful I have been on the outside, I still was a mess inside.
I've been studying Ecclesiastes chapter 1 this Week. Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, tells us in this chapter that everything is meaningless. What I've come to gather from what he is saying in Chapter one is that seeing and hearing do not bring satisfaction or contentment. We can see all the beautiful things the world has to offer, and hear all the beautiful sounds, and still remain empty. We are limited in our ability to see the whole picture. We know people have come before us (I'm related to Eleanor of Aquitaine according to Ancestry.com) and people will come after us (God willing I will live to see 120 long years and all of my son Noah's grandchildren), but we will never know the whole story like He does.
Solomon says that we can not fix what is broken, or fix what we are missing inside of ourselves. Even the smartest and wisest person still suffers sorrow. Our eyes, ears, and mind will not save us, only Jesus can. Thank you, Lord!
For me, the healthy habit I needed to develop all of these years was opening God's word and spending time with him. The power flows! I'm not saying that I did it at all, I'm saying he did it, and he does it every day for me. Yes, I struggle. I've been a self-cutter since 15 years old, I've been someone that has struggled and I have scars and bruises to prove it. . . but that is not who I am. I am not trapped, I am not stuck, I am a child of the one true king. Alleluia! Below are the pictures of my boy from Easter 2019. Thank you, Lord for your sacrifice. You took everything for me, so that I can be free!
What? Black Canyon Campground? Oh, you mean back when my son was three? Yes, we camped there 7 years ago, but why would there be a post. Well, you know. . . I used to have a blog. Wait! Maybe I still do?!?
Lo and behold, I still do!!
I missed out on posting vacation pics from last summer, so here are a few of those. As you can see, my family has dramatically changed. We are all different!
Things have changed drastically in the last seven years. I have been working at www.aceclassicaled.org as a classroom teacher for five years and I closed down my daycare (I loved it while it lasted! <3). ACE school is currently enrolling new K-HS students, and you can find out more about this amazing Charter School/ home based learning center for amazing parents that want the homeschool option with accountability at the website above.
My husband works as a mail carrier in Oakridge now, and we still own the Midway Gardens and keep it running together. www.midwaygardens.com- Check it out!
The title of the blog needs to be updated, and so does the focus. You see, after all of this time that has passed, I've tried to live life happy. I've tried to read the Joyce Meyer books, go to the Joyce Meyer conference, teach the youth, sing in the choir, preach the message even. . . but all of those things kept falling flat. I would read something so wonderful, and then try to commit to doing it, but I would fail.
I'm going to not yell at my spouse. Ten minutes later, I'm yelling at my spouse. What is happening?
I've been through so much family drama, career drama, and health drama that I was bitter towards the Lord. Why doesn't God save my father? Why can't he turn his heart? Why did I have to miscarry my first child? Why did I end up in the hospital for 5 days last year in March? Why do I have fibromyalgia? Why do I hurt all over? Why do I suffer from depression? Why do I have problems?
Lord, I am yours! I have been yours since I was seven years old and confessed it with my mouth. Thank God for adults who are willing to dress up as Indian Chiefs and lead little hearts in the sinners prayer for their salvation. But. . . why isn't it working? I've been filled with the Holy Spirit, I've been given prophetic words to speak, I went to a Christian College, I grew up in the church. . . yet the last ten years have been the most difficult ones when it has come to letting go and letting God.
I guess I've always had trouble with that. Living in the law, striving, setting my heart and mind to do what is good and correct, only to fail. It's not like I'm a huge sinner, but I am a human being. I am frail and not strong, yet I was trying to be strong and accomplish great things.
I've come to the realization that only God can do the things that are necessary for my success. Only God can give me the right attitude, only God can help my heart and mind to produce the right thoughts and the right desires. We see all these pastors, teachers, and leaders leaning on the Lord, calling out to him, teaching us. . . yet we don't do what they do. We don't lean on the Lord, we don't call out to him, we don't ask for him to reveal to us and teach us.
To be honest, I have not read my bible on my own for learning and growing closer to God since before I was married 12 years ago. A life will not be successful without that! No matter how successful I have been on the outside, I still was a mess inside.
I've been studying Ecclesiastes chapter 1 this Week. Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, tells us in this chapter that everything is meaningless. What I've come to gather from what he is saying in Chapter one is that seeing and hearing do not bring satisfaction or contentment. We can see all the beautiful things the world has to offer, and hear all the beautiful sounds, and still remain empty. We are limited in our ability to see the whole picture. We know people have come before us (I'm related to Eleanor of Aquitaine according to Ancestry.com) and people will come after us (God willing I will live to see 120 long years and all of my son Noah's grandchildren), but we will never know the whole story like He does.
Solomon says that we can not fix what is broken, or fix what we are missing inside of ourselves. Even the smartest and wisest person still suffers sorrow. Our eyes, ears, and mind will not save us, only Jesus can. Thank you, Lord!
For me, the healthy habit I needed to develop all of these years was opening God's word and spending time with him. The power flows! I'm not saying that I did it at all, I'm saying he did it, and he does it every day for me. Yes, I struggle. I've been a self-cutter since 15 years old, I've been someone that has struggled and I have scars and bruises to prove it. . . but that is not who I am. I am not trapped, I am not stuck, I am a child of the one true king. Alleluia! Below are the pictures of my boy from Easter 2019. Thank you, Lord for your sacrifice. You took everything for me, so that I can be free!
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